My name is Megan Bush. I’ve been coming to Grace for about 14 years and currently attend Grace Harborcreek. I am married to Karl, and have 2 daughters, Savannah and Annalise.
Psalm 107:1-2 says: “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story- those He gathered from the lands, from the east and west, from north and south.”
Searching for Freedom in All the Wrong Places
Prior to knowing Jesus, I was enslaved to the desires of my flesh: image maintenance, people-pleasing, and pleasure-seeking. I was a person who did whatever I had to do to blend in, whether this was posing as a Christian in church circles or pretending to be something I wasn’t around my non-Christian friends. Only, I didn’t think I was posing as a Christian…I thought I actually was one!
Early on, I got a very warped view of what it meant to be a Christian. I thought it meant going to church, singing songs, and knowing stuff about the Bible. My parents were new to their faith when they started our family, and we found ourselves in unhealthy churches. Churches that professed Christ, but represented Him poorly, often through legalism mixed with open hypocrisy, with blind obedience expected.
My home life was pretty unstable for most of my growing up, and my parents’ relationship was turbulent. They were on again, off again for much of my high school years and later divorced when I was in college. My parents walked into marriage and faith with their own unhealed pasts, and I genuinely believe they did the best they could.
The transition from high school to college left me feeling angry, hurt, and alone. I had a gaping Jesus-sized hole in my heart, and because I didn’t really know Him, I thought that He had turned His back on me, so I turned my back on Him too.
It’s here that I walked into the chains this world offers, danced in them, and called it freedom. I shackled myself to partying, drinking excessively, using profanity, gossiping, lying, dressing immodestly, and was completely sexually immoral. I chose to numb my pain because that seemed easier than healing it. Partying made me feel alive and temporarily made the hurt go away. I found my identity in the party scene and sought worth and value in the acceptance from the people around me- engaging in things I never thought I would be doing. I was known for always being down for fun, and I liked it.
During this partying phase, I met and fell for Karl. We dated for about 5 years before becoming pregnant with our oldest daughter. As a girl who tried to hide her many sins, there was no hiding now. No going back to Jesus either. He’ll never have me. My shackles are permanent. But Jesus. In ways that only HE can, He started to show me His back wasn’t to me; He was facing me, pursuing me, with open arms. His gift of our daughter in the midst of my defiance marks a major milestone in my life- a turning to Jesus.
It was Grace Church that helped me get to know the Jesus of the Bible- through the solid Biblical teaching our church upholds, and through each Bible-walking person we’ve met here. I thought we’d be shunned and shamed when we asked the church to marry us. Pastor Al Detter (the pastor who married us) showered mercy on us when he held us accountable for our sinful choices, but also replied, “our job is to help make this right.”
The Night Jesus Broke My Chains
I had difficulty reconciling that mercy. Letting Jesus into this hard heart was a slow process. Going back to church after the hurt was hard. I still didn’t know how to trust God or church people. I had a hard time believing that God loved and forgave me, and that these new church people weren’t like the ones in my past. The Holy Spirit opened my eyes to see that I wasn’t actually a Christian. He helped me understand the gospel- that while I was still a sinner, Christ died for me.
Because of this, I could be in right relationship with the Father and have eternal life. I could be forgiven. I could be Free. I had heard it before, but I finally grasped it. I offered up my first honest, real prayer on an ordinary night, rocking my daughter to sleep. I finally decided I didn’t want to be captive to this lifestyle anymore. I desperately needed to be rescued. I accepted His invitation to salvation, and I let Him unlock those chains. Chains that I had been so used to, that I didn’t realize just how heavy they had become.
I once heard Pastor Derek say something like, “When you encounter God’s love, it hits like a semi.” When I heard him say that, I had no idea what he meant, but I knew I wanted it. The warmth, peace, comfort, relief, unimaginable grace, and pure love I felt on that ordinary night were so overwhelming that his words made sense. Jesus’ love hit my soul like a semi, and instead of damaging it, made it whole. This is one of the most profound experiences of my entire life.
Karl came to faith soon after, and we were baptized together about 12 years ago by Pastor Derek at Grace McKean.
Learning to Live in True Freedom
Jesus first set me free from my obvious outward chains- by radically releasing me from the desires that bonded me to my previous lifestyle. Philippians 2:13 tells us, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”
What I didn’t expect to find was my true self. I have found my worth in who He says I am. I am a redeemed daughter of the Most High King. A King who is not ashamed of my past, but one who is glorified and honored by redeeming sinners like me.
It’s the inner, mental chains that take time. My choices left wounds and scars; some were infected, and some were surface-level. Even though I was radically set free, it’s taken a long time to get over the shame and guilt of my past and arrive at peace with it. I still struggle with pleasing people. He’s still freeing me and tending to those places through daily time in the Word, prayer, Christ-centered family and friends, and a therapist.
I confess, it’s a daily surrender, because freedom in Jesus somehow comes all at once and slowly at the same time- the temptations don’t care if you’re free, and the enemy will do anything to try and entice us back into slavery. Paul said to the Galatian Church: “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Jesus redeemed me from a life of sin to be living proof of the power of the gospel- power that is available to you today.
Your story might not be as messy as mine. Maybe you haven’t walked away but have done your best to walk faithfully as long as you remember. Maybe you’re somewhere in between. Your story doesn’t have to be dramatic to be powerful. I pray you walk away from this encouraged to share the story God has walked you through.
Love ya’ll.
