This is the fourth and final blog post in our blog series on Christian singleness. Check out the first part of our series here. You can also read part 3 here on the spiritual challenges and pitfalls to avoid in Christian singleness.
Singleness in the Church is often misunderstood, overlooked, or undervalued—yet it holds profound theological significance. In this post, we explore four vital challenges the Church must face when it comes to embracing, empowering, and honoring single believers. These insights invite us as the Church to rethink how we engage with and support the singles in our faith communities.
1. A godly single is an earthly picture of our heavenly state
Churches often focus on the bride and groom metaphor for marriage in the church. We understand God’s purpose in marriage because the bible says that a man and a wife are like Jesus and His bride, the Church. So, we understand why marriage exists because it is a walking portrait of the Gospel. But what is often ignored is the positive things that cease when the final marriage of Jesus and his bride commences. One of the things that will cease… is marriage. Marriage does not exist in the new heavens and the new earth. There is no marriage in heaven. This is taught very clearly in Matthew 22:23-30. The marriage relationship that is experienced on earth will cease. And each of us will be judged as an individual, redeemed as an individual, and we will also worship God as an individual. And the greater marriage of the lamb will replace the echoes of our earthly marriage. Therefore, godly singles are a walking picture of the fact that, in heaven, there is a greater marriage coming. And when godly singles are walking in godly singleness and showing that they are satisfied in their union with the Lord, they remind us, as the Church, not to be so consumed with our earthly families, because we have a greater marriage coming, and it’s coming soon.
2. Beware of Family-olatry
That is idolatry of family. Jesus was consistent when he talked about family, even offensively so sometimes. Let’s put it this way, he always puts it in a secondary position to serving Christ. When we talk about idolatry, many parents tend to worship their children. To make their needs ultimate. And in the church, I think we sometimes make being married ultimate, and raising a family ultimate – to the point that it can alienate our single brothers and sisters. I hear people say all the time – family is everything. I don’t want to be the word police because I know what they mean – but Jesus is everything. And we all can share that single-focused priority in life. So let’s do better at encouraging singles in their singleness. Let’s not continue the misconception that they’re in some kind of a holding pattern. Encourage them. Remind them of why God has given us this blessing. Learn from them any chance you get about what life and faith are like from their perspective. We have a lot to learn.
3. Let us not view singleness as a holding pattern
We shouldn’t be pushing people into marriage. We shouldn’t be setting people up with each other and assuming that it’s going to work out just because they’re single. And the same principle applies to having children. We shouldn’t push people into having children. It’s not a COMMAND of God’s to have children. Pushing people into that sort of commitment is not helpful. A person may be of more service to God without children. So asking people “why” they’re not married, or “any leads yet,” is not helpful. Encourage singles in their singleness. Encourage them that it’s a good gift. Remind them of why God has given us this blessing.
4. Receive single friends into our families
I so desire for our church family to act as an extended family for our singles. Especially those who are away from their families of origin. There are great stories around our church of families opening their homes and bringing in adoptive aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters. We have families who include single friends in their weekly meals; they celebrate holidays together, and they take vacations together. Make single friends part of your dynastic familial clan! We need more multi-generational teams on mission. If you are part of a traditional family, would you expand your definition to include some folks in your church family? What the church should aspire to is to provide meaningful and appropriate disciple-making relationships for all people, married or single, with or without kids. Relationships that help us to grow in our faith. Widows and widowers, single parents, whatever the situation, the church family should be working to provide supportive, nurturing, and life-giving relationships whenever and wherever possible.
