I grew up in a standard, middle-class, Midwestern family in the 1960s and 70’s. To say that we were brought up to be stoic would be an understatement. My mother’s family was German, and my father’s was, for lack of a better designation, Coal Miner. And while neither of these societies taught you not to have feelings, they didn’t exactly feel that they needed to know what your feelings were. So, as I became an adult, and more importantly, as I became a parent, I struggled with the idea of trying to understand what I was going through, let alone understand the experiences of others.
An additional part of my childhood was attending the Presbyterian Church (again, not really demonstrative), but I remember being taught to care for the less fortunate, and I remember how proud of myself I was that when it came time to pledge our offerings, and all my friends pledged 10 cents a week. I demonstrated my bigger heart by writing down 11 cents. The mindset here is that it is the Christian duty to feel some sense of sorrow for others who are hurting and then take action. But what keeps my compassion from becoming bravado?
There But For the Grace Of God…
As I have grown in my Christian Mission, I have started to wonder if having compassion, or sympathy, at least as God wants it to be, is even possible. A phrase that has bugged me all my life is “There but for the grace of God go I.” This thought, often attributed to John Bradford, a 16th Century British religious reformer, is supposed to show humility, by attributing any act of good fortune to the grace of God rather then anything I may have done, but it also assumes that God must prefer me to whomever is suffering, and I believe that we tend to enter into most acts of compassion from a position of superiority. Even if we choose to make our charitable acts privately, or even in secret, we still tend to view those who help as ‘lesser.’
God Acts With Compassion; We Just Do Our Best
When the Bible talks about being compassionate or feeling sorrow for those who are hurting, it is often attributed to God. In Isaiah, we are to “Shout for Joy, O heavens, for the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” (49:13), and then in Lamentations, we learn that “Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.” God is able to demonstrate true compassion because He is superior; He is perfect; He is able to act, without judgment, to come to the aid of His people. Us? Well, we are called up to give it a shot. Paul writes in Philippians:
Therefore, if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. (2:1-2)
That’s a lot of ‘ifs.’ So, we are being called upon to share the compassion of Christ, but we are also commanded to “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.” (2:3) We are not to act with love toward the hurting in order to impress others (ambition) or ourselves (conceit).
So, How Are We To Act?
We have discussed compassion, but before we can use it effectively, we must discuss empathy. In many minds, these are two words for the same thing, but they are very different. While compassion denotes action, empathy denotes understanding. And it is always a good idea to understand what you’re doing before you start.
More specifically, empathy prompts us to share another person’s emotions. As Atticus Finch suggests in To Kill a Mockingbird, “climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” The Thomas Nelson Study Bible presents empathy as answering 7 questions:
– Who are they?
– How did they become that person?
– How did they learn it?
– What do they hold dear?
– Why do they hold it dear?
– How do they feel?
– Why do they feel that way?
The Scriptures ask us to be “of one mind?” (1 Peter 3:8). This means more than just being in agreement. It also means to feel what our brothers and sisters feel. For us to be one body, it is important that we are able to go beyond a feeling of pity for others and fully feel their hurt, their doubts, and their past.
Who is Jesus Weeping For?
One great example of this comes from the book of John. In chapter 11, Jesus and the disciples return to Judea when they learn that their friend Lazarus is very ill. Upon arriving, they learn that Lazarus had died and had already been in the tomb for three days. When comforting Mary and Martha, who were not only feeling the loss of their brother but some anger regarding Jesus’ delay, we see the verse which all of us know as the answer to many a Bible quiz: “Jesus Wept.” (35)
Now let’s focus on this emotion. Jesus knew exactly how this event would unfold. In fact, he had arranged his travels to ensure that he would arrive after Lazarus had died in order to make sure that “God’s Son may be glorified through it.” He knows he is going to do something amazing and begin the most public aspect of his ministry on earth. However, rather than entering into Bethany from a position of power, he chooses to allow himself to feel the hurt, anger, and betrayal of those around them, and “Jesus Wept.”
This is what we are called upon to share. When the world asks us to look upon the migrant with fear and disdain, we are called upon to understand what it must have taken to uproot his family to travel a dangerous road to a country where he may be despised. When we listen to “Odd Uncle Leo” complaining about how dangerous the government is, we are called upon to try to understand what people in power may have done to him and his plans for the American Dream. When we truly feel and understand the lives of others, then —and only then —can we choose how we should react to them. We could judge splinters in their eyes, while quietly ignoring our own, or act, like Christ, with compassion. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Rom. 12:15)
